Some reasons why that fancy literary journal has yet to respond to your submission in a timely manner

  1. they’re super busy and haven’t gotten around to it yet
  2. they like it a lot and are really considering publishing it, but these sort of decisions require bureaucratic red tape, unused colostomy bags, and a plethora of deodorant. Finding these things in bulk always causes problems.
  3. they got to it, but are holding onto it because they like to pass it between each other and laugh. You may not ever receive a response.
  4. they have mailed it to the president to have a national holiday named in your honor, but with all of the election hubbub going on, they are waiting until after November to see who will be the one declaring it. If it’s Romney, no holiday in your honor will be declared; in actuality, one called the “13% day” will be declared instead, in which all people are encouraged to donate 13% of their income to those upper-class individuals struggling to make ends meet on less than $350,000 a year. If it’s Obama, he’ll declare a holiday for you, but make a speech suggesting we all celebrate “in as mediocre a way as possible.”
  5. their office, staff, and submissions (and/or submissions manager) burst into flame last weekend, and since the general public doesn’t care about the state of literary journals, no one was notified. If this is the case, we’re sorry to say your submission will be published never.
  6. they ran out of toilet tissue.
  7. all journals are terrified of the number 7.
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2 thoughts on “Some reasons why that fancy literary journal has yet to respond to your submission in a timely manner

  1. Well, as The Pinch has been sitting on my fiction submission since March 1 and they can’t really say they lost it since I submitted via Submittable, I’m hoping for option 4. However, I’m voting for Jill Stein, so neither of those outcomes particularly appeals to me.

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