An Extended Metaphor For Those Who Have No Idea Why Writers Submit To Litmags

You live in a land where everyone walks around inside hug-blocking force fields. Hugs are the most awesome things in the world, but in order to get one, you have to apply to receive one from various hug service centers. Each of your cover letters needs to be more inventive than the last to really get the attention of the review committee at each of these hug service centers. You want your cover letter to make one of the review committee members stand up and say, “This person needs a hug!”

Sometimes, you are flat out rejected: “Thank you for applying. We appreciate your interest in Hugs 4 Love. The review committee has carefully read your application, but you will not be moving further in the process. We wish you the best of luck in getting your hugs elsewhere.”

Sometimes, you nearly make it: “Thank you for applying. We enjoyed reading your application, but after careful consideration have decided that we cannot give you a hug at this time. Please feel free to apply again to us in the future.”

Sometimes, your application gets accepted, and it’s the best thing in the world! “Thank you for applying to Hugs Build Lives. We loved your application and would like to give you a hug in Fall of 2013. Contract will be sent on soon.”

You receive the contract and gratefully agree: “In accepting our, Hugs Builds Lives, offer of a hug, you, Hug-Receiver, affirm that you agree to the following terms. Hugs Builds Lives will assume First North American Hug Rights for giving you a hug. All subsequent rights to receive hugs revert back to you, the Hug-Receiver. Hugs Build Lives should be acknowledged as Hugger, should you seek to receive hugs by anyone else. You, Hug-Receiver, will receive a hug in Fall 2013 at the address provided by Hug-Receiver following agreement to these terms.”

You then wait patiently at your door during Fall of 2013 for your hug to come. Finally, someone arrives and embraces your touch-deprived body tightly. It feels so good it’s almost painful, how much you’ve wanted and worked to get this hug, and how quickly it’s over and how much you want it again. Then, you return back to writing cover letters and submitting them…

6 thoughts on “An Extended Metaphor For Those Who Have No Idea Why Writers Submit To Litmags

  1. Great post. I got one flat-out hug rejection this week, then another almost hug, please ask us to hug you again. I’m not sure which felt worse!

    Is it frowned upon to ask why they decided not to give you a hug?

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